Traveling Thoughts of Home

Ever since I booked my flight for November, I am nervous. Every time I set out for a yearly trip, the pit of my stomach gets the home blues. Wait, what?

Home Sickness

I get home sick during the few days before and the day of my trip. Weird right? Usually my close friends and family are more excited. I do get excited when I travel, but there are always those jitters that like to appear every time.

“You Don’t Know What You Got, Till It’s Gone…”

-Big Yellow Taxi

I wish I could explain it clearly, but maybe it leads back to the bird leaving the nest. Being at home for so long really settles into your soul in some way. I know when my own adventure is ready to set sail I might not have the feeling of nostalgia running around. I know I am still young, but no matter the age you always look back and remember the past. I think traveling helps me flutter my wings for a little bit. Home sickness is not something new in my books. I always have a bit of insomnia when I am not in my own bed. I had it as a kid, and I remember it shook my roots a little. I remember I was going away to camp and the first night I was there, I knew I was ready to pack my bags and head home. I was young, and I thought not being able to sleep was a very bad thing. I remember crying and calling home. I was ready for my parents to just pick me up. However, I am glad I was able to finish camp with great memories. It was a rocky start, but I am glad the camp counselors were able to keep me company. Especially the assigned cabin counselor. I am thankful for her staying up with me for a little longer each night so I was able to try to read a little bit of Chicken Soup to quiet the storm in my mind. This memory is also a lesson for me. When I have children of my own, I want to tell them that it is okay if they are not able to sleep. The thought of being away from home and somewhere unfamiliar is uneasy for the first night, but losing a night of sleep is not the end of the world. I wish my parents told me that before camp. But camp is a place to learn to step away and be away from the shelter of home. I think the best thing I enjoyed was going back home and taking a longer shower than just 2 minutes.

It is okay to lose a night of rest, the jitters sometimes do get the most of us. Just remember to enjoy those life lessons. Breath a little fresh air and explore.

Overall, it is a good thing to travel and experience jitters, the jitters remind us all that no matter how far we travel, home is always close to the heart.

Side-Note: I just watched Oblivion (2013) and I really like that lake-house Jack Harper builds in the secluded area. Sometimes I wish life was as simple as living in a quiet open space where living was as carefree, peaceful, isolated, safe, and quiet like that lake-house. The movie was not bad, it was a nice twist to the ending. Sometimes we need to be careful with what we find out there in space… these SciFi movies always get my imagination churning a little.

My Rating: 7/10

With Love,

N

Siblings

My Frustrated Anger Rant

I swear there is never a perfect world for siblings. There is that constant pull of love and hate? I am not sure if hate is the correct word in this case. Disdain? I think disdain fits my world a little more for my case. I have siblings. Some smart and some that carry a pea size brain. I am going to talk about the one sibling who has a pea size brain. This sibling and I just clash on so many pages at times. This sibling carries the same sense of frustration that my father gets when he gets irritated. My mother believes we get our “anger” from our father. I am not going to lie, I do not get along with any of my sibling as much as I want to. I wish there was that one sibling I could just spill all my secrets to. However, that is not the case. Let me just refer this sibling as “pea brain”. The reason why I am pissed off in the first place is because my MacBook was lying on the carpet. Yes I “could of”:

  • Put it on a table
  • Place it somewhere safe
  • Should not be leaving things on the floor

But this is my space. I was using my laptop and I left it on the floor. I did not plan for “Pea brain” or any of my other family members to be walking around in my room. If they were going to, I am sure they would of looked around first. So “Pea Brain” wanted to see if the Facebook friend was the correct person. I confirmed it, but I told “Pea Brain” to wait so I could turn on the light because my laptop was on the floor. “Pea Brain” being all cocky believed that they would avoid the laptop. It would of taken me THREE seconds to switch on the light. However, “Pea Brain” did not want to wait for those precious three seconds, and told me that my laptop would not be stepped on. You can already guess what happened since I am fuming at this moment. Yes, “Pea Brain” stepped on my laptop and I screamed at “Pea Brain”. I switched on the light and told “Pea Brain” you just stepped on my laptop even though I just told you that it would happen. “Pea Brain” clearly does not have night vision. “Pea Brain” tried to deny it, but my eyes can easily see around the darkness like night vision goggles. “Pea Brain” managed to step on my laptop with one foot. But “Pea Brain” weighs around 200 pounds, depending on how much force was used, “Pea Brain” could of been using half or full body weight in that one step. I quickly turned on my laptop and messaged a friend who works for Apple to make sure my laptop was okay. Thankful it is, or I would not be typing this. I told my mother to look at my screen as well for any bruising or flickering lines. Thankfully, nothing.

Moral of this story:

Have a bit of patience. When someone warns you there is something of value on the floor, let them turn the light on. Paying for a replacement cost more than waiting a few seconds for someone to take action. Take caution in warnings, if you do not know the space, act like there are traps and wait for further instructions.

Moral of the sibling rant?

I am a little envious of siblings who have a better relationship in patience and virtue. I wish my siblings just stepped back a little and not rush head first into things. Though not all my siblings do that, but I wish they did. Show your siblings a little respect when they tell you something. A strong bond is better than a broken one. No relationship, whether it is a sibling or significant other, is perfect. However, we can make better choices to be a better person. Communication is key to anything and listen with your ears and not your brain. Why else do we have two ears? Not for “in one ear and out the other”, but to listen through two points and make sure we process things correctly. Because something like stepping on my laptop could of been prevented all together, if they just listened.

-N

I Just Want to Travel or Just Living On My Own?

Say What?

After finishing University not too long ago, I have this small urge to travel and be independent. I get a taste of independence when I am visiting mi amor, but other than that I am less self-sufficient when I am home with the parents. I take on my role as an adult when I am away from home. So it comes down to wanting to travel. In about 4 months I am heading back to see mi amor! I am excited because this will be our small holiday time. Mi amor has a job and I want to continue with schooling. With everything happening, mi amor is not spending Christmas with me this holiday. So I must make the effort in seeing his adorable face. It will not be the same during the annual Christmas Eve Party, but I know my family will make do. Any time during the holiday season is good with me.

The Meat

Okay, you are probably putting two and two together, travel and independence, you get it. However, I feel like I am at the age where I need my space. As an adult I want to make my own choices, be able to cook how I like and when I like. When I am at home I am ridiculed on the spot constantly by my parents. The concept of “birds leaving the nest” needs to happen sooner than later. My independence as of now is traveling away from home. I am young still and I want to be able to travel before I am old and gray. I am not going to be that old anytime soon, but I want to just be away from my parents. I wish my parents were the ones that encouraged to find your own space when needed. The questions of:

  • Where are you planning to vacation?
  • You want to try this hobby?
  • You want to take a year off to explore?

These simple questions should be answered with enthusiasm and not negative criticism. My parents response to everything I do are:

  • Why are you going there?
  • Why are you always doing (insert a hobby here)?
  • You have already been to (insert place or event), do you really need to go again?
  • Why are you not focusing on school?

These questions lead to anger. Always anger and frustration from my parents when one of my siblings and I just want to enjoy life. Look I am at the age where I am an adult. I live within my means and do not go over the fence into territories I cannot pay the price for. Everything has consequences, but I cannot live my life inside a sheltered box. I think the best thing for any parent to understand is that you cannot try to control a child who has already grown to the age of adulthood. When a child is already an adult, a parent can give guidance and advice, but never push their own viewpoints onto their children. Everyone has a unique color, no two people are the same. I am sure the phrase “you can not fit square peg into a round hole” is true to a lot of things. Everyone is unique and can not fit into the same mold as everyone else. Why conform and be the same? We know that if we conform, we might as well be robots who have the same ideas and tastes. However, humans are not wired that way. I just want a bit of space and breathing room. I want my parents to know, they did not raise a fool. I do not do drugs, I do not smoke, I may have a glass of wine once in a while, but I am not a heavy drinker. I am ready to set out on my own two feet, and I want my parents to let me take that leap. Whether or not I am still leaving under their roof or not, should not make a difference. My advice for those who feel as confined as I do:

Live with the good morals your parents raised you with, but learn to explore a little. A little bit of independence goes a long way.

A little independence can teach you to fend for yourself. Trust me, around four years ago I would not even touch a cooking utensil. Two years later and a little bit of independence has made a capable adult out of me. I may not be the greatest cook, but I can cook something decent enough to eat. I know how to deal with fabric softener in a laundry load. Yes, I can admit that I hardly used a laundry machine and I always hand wash things. After two months of using a laundry machine, I can say it has changed my world of washing. I still love a good sunshine in my clothing instead of a dryer, but I work with what I am given. Also, with my holiday vacation, I am excited to be independent for two weeks again. I hope every adult learns to step away once in a while, especially those of us that still live with our parents. Trust me, you are not alone out there. Learn to enjoy and just be you. Time never goes back or looks back. Time always moves forward. Move forward with time.

Love,

N

The Ant & The Minion

Recently I got the chance to watch Minions (2015) and Ant-Man (2015). I am sure you can Google a summary of the two films if you do not really know what they are about.

Minions (2015)

This movie was adorable and cute. It is definitely a family movie worth taking the children to watch. This movie gives the background information of how the minions came into existence. Additionally, the main focus of these yellow pill creatures is to find a worthy boss. Through the ages they find a boss but end up leading them to their doom. There was some cute humor and it was an overall good movie purchase. I was not jumping out of my seat, but it was entertaining enough to not bore me to death. Overall, Minions gave me the background story of how they became Gru’s henchmen. If you got some change to spare, I would definitely give this movie a go.

My Rating: 8/10

Ant-Man (2015)

This Marvel movie really surprised me. I never watched any of the trailers, nor have I even researched what the movie was about. I love my Marvel movies, but this superhero was not in my database. Nonetheless, I gave this movie a go, and Ant-Man was seriously hilarious + awesome all wrapped into a 1 hour and 57 minute movie. If I could go back and watch Ant-Man again, I would (100%). The overall story was not bad and it explained pretty clearly how the superhero, Ant-Man, came to existence. If you like a good action superhero movie, Ant-Man is a great choice. My favorite part was Cassie’s birthday and the gift her father gives her. I will not give the whole plot away, but I am sure you can find a full synopsis of the movie on the internet somewhere, if you wanted to. Lastly, make sure you stay till the credits finish rolling for a quick snip of the next Marvel movie. We all know Marvel likes to sneak those in at the very end. I hope you enjoy the movie as much as I did.

My Rating: 9.5/10

Happy Movie Watching!

N

Everyone Feels Like Cinderella

The Center Point Lies With The Foot

Glass slippers and beautiful dresses equals a little girl’s playtime imagination. We all played dress up as little kids where we wear our mother’s clothing and shoes. Children recreate the pure moments that tickle our tummies and the imagination takes us to another world. As we grow older we acquire our own sense of taste and fashion. But what exactly ties an outfit together? Jewelry? Accessories? A particular article of clothing? I think not. I believe the key lies in the pair of “glass slippers” you wear on your feet.

Are You Sure?

I am not a fashion expert, but I know how to dress to make myself presentable. Every shoe has it’s own purpose in tying your outfit together. I hardly believed this until I took a step back and looked in a mirror. Picture this: light cream gray colored shorts, a gray graphic shirt, and black wedge sneakers. Now picture the same outfit but with a pair of black Nike trainers. I kid you not, but I looked cute and not to shabby when I wore my black wedge sneakers. My outfit turned unflattering when I pair it with my black Nike trainers. I was stepping in and out of the gym from my workout, and my wedge sneakers were in the car. I only have two hands and my hands were full from gym bag plus a bag for my towel + spare clothing. So of course I would just wear my Nike trainers out. No big deal, since it was gym then home. However, the outfit really was unflattering and it hit me that shoes matter.

What Else is New?

It is not something new, but a small realization on my part. An outfit can be dressed down or up with the shoes you put on. I understand when my boyfriend shakes his head a little when I wear my gray Nike trainers when we go to the mall. Sometimes a girl/lady/woman needs something more flattering than trainers to finish an outfit. I flip through magazines and websites on my spare time or whenever a new clothing brand catalog comes in the post. I picture the model wearing simple trainers with a gorgeous summer outfit, and I know it will ruin the outfit. Trainers and sneakers should be kept at minimal wear. The next time you do a little online shopping or read a magazine take a look at the shoes the model wears with the outfit. You never know what might surprise you. 

This is Important?

I would have to say this is just a realization on my part. A shoe can say a lot of things about an outfit. I am sure there are other bloggers out there who mention shoes in an outfit. I am not going to tell you what shoes you should pair with your clothing, but I am telling you before you step out the door take a look at what you plan to walk in. Try something else besides those trainers or sneakers from time to time. You never know how you can spruce out that simple outfit to something out of this world. Think of your shoes as your very own fairy godmother to the outfit!

Love,

N

The Hardest Part

Why Does it Have to be About Food?

Food, Food, Food.

I grew up with the genetics of high metabolism ingrained into my DNA. I was considered the skinny child throughout my lower education. I was even made fun of during high school that I should just “eat a steak” and it was not possible to weigh the amount I weighed with my body size. Thankfully I had a kind teacher for physical education, and he told the bully off saying “she is skinny but because of her height she weighs in at normal”. I am thankful for my physical education teacher and how he stood up for me. Trust me, I ate a plate full of food each night and there was no such thing as a calorie counter in my book.

Rewinding to present day. My metabolism is not as quick as it was before. I have slowly watched the influx of weight I put on. Calories were just a number and I believed I could eat what ever I wanted. Boy was I wrong.

I still look pretty slim, but overall I was not happy with my eating style. The mentality of eating as much as I can and not caring just no longer worked. I think I finally hit “rock bottom” when I realized a pair of jeans my boyfriend bought me no longer fit. Let me say that these pair of jeans were big enough for me to wear a pair of denim shorts underneath. I realized my age is slowly catching up and I should not splurge on a crazy level when it came to food. 

I decided I wanted to lose around 12-13 pounds. I wanted to feel my best and be my best. I no longer wanted a bloated looking stomach, nor pants I wear feeling a little too snug. My boyfriend suggested I calorie count and devised a slow way for me to lose weight. I did not want to drastically drop weight, but I wanted to see progress. 

I am not going to lie, calorie counting SUCKS! It slowly made me realized I was eating more calories for my age, weight, and height. Cutting back and weighing everything out is the hardest thing I have to do. It makes me want to bring a scale everywhere I eat. However, I am not that crazy to walk around with a small scale in my purse. I do my best to estimate to as close as possible in what I eat and record it on my app.

My Fitness Pal

Yeah, more like pain in the ass! This app is like good and bad of food counting. I input what I eat and how much exercise I put in for the day. I only workout three times a week, but the good meals my parents prepare makes me want to work out for seven days straight. So far I have been doing well. This is my first week of calorie counting. I managed to lose 5 pounds when I watched what I eat and not calorie count. However, the two week span that I was not counting calories I was walking A LOT. The four days that I was constantly on my toes really became the exercise. 

This app in general:

  • Easy to to use
  • Lets you scan bar codes of food items so you do not have to manually input all the ingredients or search
  • Has a lot of choices in foods you can list
  • Has an estimated exercise counter to see how many calories you burned, and how much you can eat still
  • Some food choices you might have only one option in measurements, and some foods you have plenty.
  • Trying to eat a few calories less puts you “under calories for the day” and it makes you feel like you are not eating enough. In reality you are eating enough
  • Does not have all food choices, so you have to make an executive decision in which one you log. I always go for the higher calorie choice because the food my parents cook can be a little more on calories. Plus I do not know all the ingredients they add and I do not wish to slowly input a recipe.

Overall

The journey is slow. This twelve week process will test everything. It is a not a easy journey, but I feel happier with myself. I even see a reduction of stomach region. It is no longer protruding out as much as before. I seriously looked like a skinny girl who was possibly one month pregnant (Girl say what?!!). Also, one of my shorts no longer feel snug around my waist! I am not advocating calorie counting is needed, but simple clean eating and portioning everything really provides for a healthy exercise! I hope my small progress shows that everyone reaches a all time low in health. But there is a solution somewhere, you just got to make the effort. 

Love & Peace,

N

What is Love?

Where It Begins

Every journey is different. Relationships are a difficult concept to stomach at times. My own journey to my own happiness was not easy. I have made my fair share of mistakes. I believe fate deals us a lot of cards in life.

The Middle Man

I remembered dreaming a lot of my crushes becoming my boyfriend. We all know that one guy in class where we swoon over, and we wish for that guy to reciprocate the same feelings. The middle man I speak of is the middle school years. These years are what I call young love. We have parents who believe that their children are too young at this age to have a significant other. I actually agree with parents who restrict their kids to dating when they are older. I do not disregard the relationships that do succeed and make it to adulthood. However, I have seen too many friends and acquaintances in middle school who dated for what they believed as “true love” end their relationships as quickly as it started. 

I never dated anyone in middle school. There was a constant crush but I always felt like the ugly duckling. I simply knew I was ignored and never noticed by that one guy. I could say my crushes changed around during my three years of middle school. The one crush who stuck with me through middle school and well into high school years was this one guy named X1. I met X1 through a MMORPG game. It was my world back in the day. Before everyone starts bashing, I am not promoting you to just start finding someone on a MMORPG game. If you find love in the MMORPG world, more power to you. If you do find someone you like on a MMORPG, make sure you take every precaution. Do not jump right at it to meet the person or start giving away personal information. People come in all shapes and colors these days, and I highly advise everyone to take precautions. 


Back to X1…

I learned a lot from X1. The learning terms I speak of is how to guard your heart and to make sure you take a boy’s words like a grain of sand at a young age. I was young and naive back then. I dreamed hard that maybe X1 has a crush on me as well. The disappointment came easily with X1. It was obvious but when you are young, you want to be in love like those classic Disney movies. Any girl dreams of finding “Prince Charming”. But it is not reality. X1 was the classic playboy/I could get any female naive enough wrapped around my finger. X1 messaged me when he felt like it, and conversations would end pretty quickly or abruptly. This crush of mine continued through High School. It is hard to tell a girl that some boys are not worth it. But the world we live in creates certain concepts that are broadcast through our televisions. Big surprise right? Every show in the teenage years has a love concept of the main character trying to get together with the person they have their eye on. My middle school years was a total flat line when it came to boys. My advice to younger generation and peeps in middle school: Enjoy your friends and social life, boys and relationships can be started later on during High School or College years. This advice sounds like a lot of crap to a young person who dreams of having a boyfriend. Trust me, the possibility of that guy even liking you back is slim to none. Stick with daydreaming and the right guy will cross paths with you in the future.

The High Tide

High school, high school, high school. Man you can say there was a lot of fluctuations during my high school career when it came to boys. I had the usual crushes, but my second year of high school was when a semi-dating life started. Trust me, there are not many guys during my high school career. I do not have a long list guys I can tick off. But honestly I am okay with that, and A can validate my high school dating life. It was less than three. Let us begin.

B1- Where do I begin with B1? B1 was not someone I dated, but was close to dating. I thought he was cute when he dressed like a normal person. B1 had a particular clothing piece he wore that made him stand out in a negative way. It classified B1 as that weird kid who always wears this particular piece of clothing. We had exchanged the AIM/Facebook stuff due to having some friends that we were connected with.  We messaged for a couple of days and confessions came. We knew we liked each other, however friends can influence you in some way. They tell you who is weird and who the unpopular people are. This particular piece of clothing really got people talking, and I ended up stopping communication with B1. My comfort level was not there, and I did not want to be a social outcast. I was more on the neutral zone. I knew people from different groups that range from the popular to the nerds but I had my own group of friends. So B1 was a lemon.

G1- Oh G1… He was definitely my first official boyfriend. My memory limits me on this because it was one of those fading memory that I did not care too much to keep a hold of. I believe I met G1 from a group of friends. He was seriously a cute/shy guy, but sweet a heart. We did not know each other for that long but we came to be. G1 was another dude who did not last long. This seriously shows how high school dating phase for me, was such a lemon. The relationship I had with G1 lasted for a good month or less? The reason for the break up was due to G1 being clingy, and I was sick and gone for a few days and he never called to check up on me. 

I am sure by now, as you read my relationship life during high school, it clearly shows how my relationship understanding was low. I do not care if you judge me a certain way. But this was my teen years, and I look back to some of these memories and I question why I even tried dating when it was not going to last long. Society, media, and friends are usually the culprits. 

X1- Yes, X1 appears again. He will appear one more time in my beginning adventures of my undergrad years of college/university.  As I have mentioned, X1 was someone I met through a MMORPG game back in later years of middle school. My crush for him was on and off. He was that guy that I would write secretly in my notebooks, hoping he would be mine. Man, X1 was my lesson to learn from type of guy. Let me be clear, I never actually dated X1. The type of relationship X1 and I had is complicated to explain. I hope by shedding some light on my experience with a guy like X1 would get girls to throw a lemon away when they find one. Instead of trying to make hypothetical “lemonade”. A lemon is a lemon when it comes to the relationships and crushes. I finally met X1 after about 5 years of knowing him. I knew he was not some shaggy creepy pedobear because of MySpace (yes the good old MySpace days), and we had video chatted before. Not during my Middle years, but high school years. X1 is older by a couple of years. It was a joke at first where I said my last dance of my high school career was nearing and I would just be going with a group of friends. X1 offered to be my date for the last dance, but I would have to ask in a creative way. I made a card and sent it to him. X1 was a serious learning curve for me. I highly recommend you do not attempt the same mistakes I made as a teen. The mistakes are knowing when there is no honesty to words a guy speaks. I was skeptical of X1 being my date. I was sure he was going to flake on me. I knew he was a person to flake and not be truthful because…

1) I had sent him a Christmas card & a small gift card with an amount to buy at least one pair of new shoes. He said he had sent me a thank you/Christmas card back. He lied and never did.

2) Besides splashing on a little bit of money, I had written him letters. X1 always told me he wrote back, but never got anything from him.

Obviously this guy was using my kindness, and I fell for it. But I decided to give him one last try. It was my last dance, and I wanted my last year in High School to end nicely. There are some regrets. The day of the last dance, X1 did show up. He was a little late but was on time. Here comes the kindness train on repeat. I swear I never learn from my small mistakes and how gullible I was. I allowed him to take my car, because I knew he was the better city driver, because he lived in an area that kept anyone on their toes. We went to dinner with my group of friends that was going with us to the last dance as well. He looked at the menu and said it was too pricey (this was another red flag). The prices of this restaurant was not even that expensive at all and my friends were able to pay and they did not have a problem with the price. I mean come on, I am in high school. I know which places to choose that within my budget. Being the kind person, I offered to share my meal with X1. I mean seriously X1, you had a job and can afford things, and yet I still had to share a meal. The evening went on. We got the venue, when he was parking my car I heard a slight crunch sound. The parking lot was not brightly lit so it looked like no damage was done to my car. The next day I found out from my parents that my left front headlight casing was cracked. I am thankful that my parents gave me a old car. I would of been angry if it was a new car. I swear X1 was just no good for me. We hung out and danced and chatted at the venue. We finally manged to kiss. I was in heaven and thinking, “I think this is the start of something, and maybe he could be my boyfriend.” Boy was I wrong. Close to the end of the evening we were outside and he told me that what happens tonight will end with tonight. The lie he told me was that he was enlisting, and long distance was not going to work. 

BULLSHIT.

When he drove us back to my friend’s house to get his car. We actually made out a little more. The moment got pretty heated, but I knew I was not ready for my virginity to be taken. I was so glad it was just X1 seeing my chest, and a few minutes later my group of friends got home. So the make out session concluded. We said out good byes and that was that.

Overall, my high school experience was a roller coaster. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to not waste time and money on X1. He is the one I regretted the most. He broke my heart, and I was played like a fool. My advice for high school kids: Do not get caught up in the moment. Do not let someone take advantage of your kindness, whether it is sharing or spending a few bucks. If there is no real return, move on. High school is high school. When a dude lies to you or flakes, do not give second chances. The more chances you give, the more he will abuse your kindness and sincerity. You will be left with nothing but cringe worthy memories. I believe that anything that revolves around sex should be as simple as this: Always use protection, and only experience it when you are truly ready in your heart and mind. Do not rush into anything. Do not let your hormones dictate your choices or judgement. I was glad I did not lose my virginity to X1. It would of been one memory I would not like living down.

The University Pie

University.I feel like the teenage years spill a lot. I was still young and naive. But hey, teenagers are slowly learning and understanding. We see things as adults, that our younger selves do not see. But it is okay. We are humans and every experience must be learned.

X1- I swear this guy just clung to my life. I never learned the first time and I still managed to send him another gift card for another pair of shoes for his birthday. Do not worry, this was the last time I spent another dime on him. Now before you freak out or ask where I am getting money. It was from allowances or special holidays that I receive my cash flow. Still young and naive. Besides the birthday gift I sent, I wanted to spend more time with X1. I thought there was hope since he was not “enlisting” anymore. I feel like I was at my all time low. My naive self trying to obtain a guy that was a huge rotting lemon. The two stupid things I did were as follows, and this is an eye opener for girls to not be as gullible and how people make mistakes:

  1. High School came and gone. First year of University. I wanted to hangout with X1, but I was not willing to make the trip to visit. He lived a good distance. The exchange for the meet up was to video chat and flash him my breasts for a good twenty seconds. I swear it shows you just how horny X1 was trying to get into my pants. I hope X1 never took any screenshots. Who knows, but this was a one time thing and was never repeated. This got him to visit a week later. 
  2. More of the stupid train. We met up at my place that I stayed in University. The place was empty. We ended up watching TV and ended up making out. He ended up lightly brushing against my lady part with his fingers. But at the moment I stopped him saying I was on my period and I was not up for it. I am sure he was disappointed because he said he saw no blood when he felt me up a little. But I was not ready, and my period was coming to an end. He just was not the one for me. After our small heated make out session, we went to grab food and we parted ways. I am glad he did not push me further. I am sure he was disappointed that I cocked blocked him from getting what he wanted.

What can I say? Young, naive, hormones, being gullible. These are just a handful of words that I can come up with right now. X1 was someone that boils my blood. He is a great example for ladies to understand that good looking guys can end up being the jerks. Lemons stay as lemons. I hope X1 shows you a side that not all guys are worth your time.

K1- Oh man. He was another lesson learned. Definitely another guy who was horny. I swear teenage guys who are not getting laid, want to be laid. Hormones hormones. We had a movie night, that movie night ended up in a make up session and him fondling my breasts in his car in the parking lot. Seriously?! As I think back. What is with young guys and wanting to look at my breasts?! K1 was in the dumps and out of my life because he kept pestering to hang out, and I did not want another X1 in my life again. I do not like guys who nag to try and hang out. Obviously I did not want it to be a repeat of another guy trying to get into my pants or wanting me to get into his. UGH!

Y1- My relationship ended with him because I was never truly comfortable with him. I knew him for a month. Another friend and I met Y1 and his group of friends on another MMORPG game. Yes I seem to be drawn into finding guys on MMORPG, and honestly it does not phase me. I take it like it is online dating. I felt like we hardly knew each other and I feel like it was a crush more than anything. His future ambitions did not match the lifestyle I had, and I knew my parents would not approve. I know love is suppose to overcome everything and it does not matter what status a guy has. But money and stability play a factor. Financial means are important, because how are you going to survive? This is my own views. I still believe in falling in love and that there is a guy that meets what I am looking for. But he can not just give up and live above what he sets for himself. But the relationship ended when he compared me to one of his ex-girlfriends. That is just a deal breaker. Not only that but he attempted to chase after my car and when I was at a stop sign, he hit my window to try to get my attention. I just kept driving and ignoring him. 

O1- This guy defined tradition. I knew him for a good week or two. I had decided to give him a go because he seemed nice and he was closer to home. My advice, seriously get to know a person. We had so many bumps. First, I did not spend enough time with him (hanging out, going on dates). So we had a long conversation, and it ended up in a situation where I would meet his parents and siblings. WOW! Just close to two weeks of dating and I already have to meet his parents. He even wanted to meet mine. So he drove up to where I live and met my parents for a good hour or so. He did not stay for long because I had a family event that day. When I met his parents, all hell broke loose. I met his siblings and his parents. We ended up cuddling and watching a movie. We ended up making out and him grinding against me. I told him I was not ready for sex and wanted to wait till marriage. I was still in my traditional mindset that sex was for marriage. My views have changed a lot since I was younger. I no longer believe sex is restricted for marriage, but it simply an act that is pursued when a girl is ready to have sex. There should be no pressure from a guy and when a girl just knows she will not hold any regrets when she does have sex for the first time. But at this time with O1, my mindset was still very traditional. Probably because I was still not comfortable with the whole sex thing. After the make out session, O1 also told me he looks/watches porn. That was a huge turn off for me. I think a girl should ask the “do you watch porn” question. I know communication and honesty is key in a relationship. But something so random that is blurted to a girl who was still pretty traditional really extinguishes the mood. Huge turn off. The day just goes downhill further. After dinner with his parents and siblings. I returned home, and O1 messages me on MSN. He tells me that I should CHANGE for him and next time I should help his mother out with cleaning and cooking. Look it was my first time meeting the parents situation. Sorry if I did not bring the dishes to the sink. I was still really nervous and blanked out. What ended the relationship was him telling me to change. I am sorry but that is a number rule in relationships. Do not tell someone to change. In doing so, the girl or guy seals the fate of the relationship. Sorry but I was not ready to be a “wife” material after just dating the guy for two weeks. My best advice, GET TO KNOW THE DUDE! There is no point in starting the relationship when you do not start out as friends. Play 50 questions or something. Just know the person for more than a month. Do not jump at something after just two weeks. That was my downfall during my first two relationships of University year one. I was glad I broke it off with O1 because when I was returning his jacket during class, my friend threw it back but it missed the table he was aiming for. My two friends and I started laughing and O1 got really pissed and stared right at me and yelled “Fucking pick that up!”. I continued to laugh with my friends and told him, that I was not the one who threw it and I was not planning to pick it up. The laughter and snickers did not help the situation on my part. The reason is because it probably made O1 think I was the culprit. What ever. I never picked up the jacket. I am just glad I found out he had a angry side after we broke up, and that I never saw O1’s angry side during the three weeks I was dating him. Who knows what the outcome was if we were still dating. Possible verbal abuse? Who knows. I am thankful there is an angel out there watching over me when I make mistakes.

The “Now”

I am happy to say after breaking up with O1, I had gone back to someone I had originally started talking to in the Winter back in the Uni days. I did not mention him in my past experiences because this is a special story. I will save the long story for another post. A quick summary for all the ones who do not like a cliffhanger… This guy is someone I met on a MMORPG (haha, yes that is my trending dating theme). I had stopped talking to this person for a month because I had decided the distance was too great to have a relationship. That is why I gave O1 a chance. However, I started to talk to this wonderful person again after O1 and I’s relationship ended. We seriously hit it off and talked from when we woke up to when we went to bed. This amazing guy does not get a code. For I will call him, mi amor. Mi amor and I talked for a solid half a year. Getting to know each other. To this day we are still happily in love and continuing strong. He is “my everything”.

Till my next post. 

I hoped this gives you a little insight of my journey through relationships. They are never easy and the biggest things to remember are:

  • Communication is always needed
  • Honesty best policy
  • Get to know the person for more than just a week or two
  • If a guy is a lemon, they stay a lemon. So toss it away and do not give it anymore chances or anymore of your time.
  • You will find the person you are meant to be with.
  • No such thing as perfect, but there is a “perfect” person that is meant for you.
  • Do not cave to pressure. Do what you feel is right and not right for the guy.

Love & Peace,

N