Love is a messy concept. As a female, emotions can be complicated. There is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship. Every relationship will have high and low points. Good and bad days. Lets face it, women tend to over think. There is this constant mouse that is running the “thinking wheel”. Once the mouse starts, it is difficult to make it stop.
I will 100% admit that even my own relationship is not perfect. I have my good and bad days with my boyfriend. What relationship does not have this balance? I had a chat with a few close friends with something my boyfriend and I discussed over a video chat this evening.
First off, I am still uncertain what my full career path is for this life (and this is what I am constantly thinking of because I want to continue with getting my masters).
But the future is what made my world shake and crumble and made me lose balance. I want to build a family with my boyfriend in the future. I want the kids, the family, the “dream” home, the steady income from work, and a loving husband who rocks my world. However, tonight I learned I have to make compromises, and change is not as easy as 1,2,3. It is more like trying to count in a sequence, but starting over at random points because you second guess yourself.
I have spoken very little of my relationship with my boyfriend. In a nutshell, we have been in a long distance relationship for six years. We made distance work. It was VERY tough the first 3 years because I never been in a committed relationship with someone so far away. However, we kicked the odds and made it work.
We are slowly growing into the next phase of life where job and home is next. However, where the home was going to take root was where the problems begin. Let me add that we are not planning to place money down on a home like in the next 2 years. It is more like 4-6 years from now, maybe more. It just comes down to me finishing school and then the next phase will begin.
The issue is do we live in my home country, or do we live in his. I love where I have lived all my life. I thought this is the place where I would continue to life for the rest of my life and have my own family. I have all my friends and family here, why settle anywhere else? Yet, life is not always the dreams we conjure up. It has come to a conclusion that the future living situation will be stationed in his country. It makes me sad that in the future I have to move a good distance away from friends and family to a place where I have no one but my boyfriend. That is not something easy to swallow down. He did not force anything, but he mentioned that his country is better to grow a family in and take residence. My boyfriend has not exactly chosen the city he wants a house to be built-in, but he might possibly want to move back to his hometown. On the other hand, I prefer the current city he is located in. The city is very similar to my own, and I think I could adapt to the weather quite nicely.
I wanted a little compromise. If I am giving up my hometown, friends, and family, should I not at least get a chance to choose which city in his country to live in? It was a little selfish for me to think “hey if I have to give up my hometown+friends+family, you need to do the same, and this city is perfect because we will not have anyone we really know (even if it is in your country).” That is way too selfish, but I was thrust randomly into thinking about where I want to locate to in the future. I was already worried about my career path. Now I need to add future living location? That is way too much for my plate right now! So excuse me for being a little selfish.
I am just more fond of the city because it is similar to home (which would make the move easier). The weather does not get crappy like his hometown, and I can adjust to another country more easily. I want to give the city he is at right now a chance. A chance for me to find a job and help pay for our house. I can agree that living expenses in the current city my boyfriend lives in is not cheap. Also, housing is not cheap either. But does it not come down to compromises? I believe he should give me a chance to try to find work in the city I want to try to live in. If nothing works, then fine, we can give his hometown a try. Is it okay to let the person you love a chance to adjust to the living situation? The person who already gave up so much because love is important to her, should she not be given a chance to adapt? Adapt to something she is comfortable and similar to what she had before? Meet me half way. Being on vacation in his hometown is NOT the same as living in his hometown forever. When someone is on vacation, they think less of a permanent residence and think more of temporary. A vacation is to be away from home to relax and refresh the mind and soul.
What do you guys think? Is it okay for me to give some input on the city selection- even if houses can be a little on the expensive side? I mean I am already giving up a lot in the future by letting my life go from my hometown and country to be with the guy I want to spend my life with in the future.
I just wanted to share this with you guys. Maybe you are on the same boat as me, maybe not. But love can get messy sometimes.